SAUCY SAUCER MEN!

Swivel-necked skywatchers like me keep scanning the horizon for flying saucers, because the word has been out for years that those reported disk-shaped blips are actually space ships from another planet. To this date I have never seen a flying saucer, although I did see a good-looking dish in a bikini the other day.

Let us suppose, fellow saucer-fanciers, that flying saucers really do exist, that they are chauffeured by far-out creatures from a distant sphere and that the day will come when they'll land on earth. What kind of strange beings do you think will emerge from these interplanetary hot rods? The general belief is they are small and green and probably glow in the dark. Suppose a little green man got out of his space machine and walked down the street. A panhandler might approach him immediately and say, "Hey, bub, how about a dime?" The saucer man would ask, "What's a dime?" "You're right," the bum would say. "How about a quarter?"

A couple of outer spacesters might come to earth and begin devouring garbage cans. One would remark, "The crusts are good, but the fillings are too rich for me." Picture this possibility: A space ship swoops down out of the blue and lands right in the middle of some fellow's lawn. A hatch opens and a little green character gets out and starts sweeping the landscape with binoculars. The home-owner walks over to the little greenie and wants to know what he's looking for. "Whatta you think, seedhead?" snaps the visitor from Out There. "A little green woman, natch!"

Flying saucers may not contain green hippies at all. For all we know, they could be mechanical men made of a nutty assortment of bolts, transistors, and buzzers. If that's so, I can imagine such a metal marvel flipping head over push buttons in love with one of our big computers, thinking she's not only beautiful but high on brains as well. And it's easy to visualize such a mechanized man-about-town winking at a pinball machine and asking, "hey, baby, whatcha doing tonight?".

Do you suppose that, at this very moment, somewhere on the moon a saucer man is holding his girl friend's hand and whispering, "Lookit, sweetheart - a full earth tonight!"