THE THING EXPLOSION

The population explosion has everyone concerned, but you seldom hear of the "thing" explosion which is threatening us just as much. I don't know about you, but I am worried about the extra sock menace. My drawers are filling up with them. Every time I get my laundry back, there is an unmatched sock or two. These keep piling up in my drawers, and in time, I am going to have to buy another chest of drawers. And another. And another.

Already wire coat hangers have taken over my clothes closet. They keep multiplying like loving rabbits, and have forced me to hang my wearing apparel on doorknobs and put it under the bed. Pretty soon, wire coat hangers are going to drive me out of the bedroom altogether, and eventually, I imagine, out of my apartment.

It is becoming more and more difficult to prepare meals because of the odds and ends in my kitchen. On the shelves, where the pots and pans should be, there are old magazines and newspapers, and the drawers are full of old greeing cards, pencils with broken leads and burned-out light bulbs. I can't rummage up a spoon without getting trading stamps stuck to my hand. I admit the oven of my stove is not a good place to store used grocery bags and rubber galoshes But where else, now that the refrigerator is jammed with empty containers?

Unless I eat in restaurants exclusively, I'll starve! How's your medicine cabinet? Mine contains dozens of half-filled bottles. Why, I could cure half the diseases in the world if I knew what any of those prescriptions were for! The "thing" explosion extends to the glove compartment of my car. You can find just about anything there - except gloves. I have to keep those in the trunk compartment along with my extra garden tools, dirty laundry and a plastic Christmas tree.

Good people, we must strike back against those inanimate objects that are forcing us out of our homes! I say start shoveling out your rooms today! If you can't find a shovel, borrow mine. I've got an extra one somewhere in my apartment. I believe it's in the bathtub!