When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home
you missed but your childhood.
Ever Notice ... that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?
(Oct.88)
The person who agrees with everything you say either isn't paying attention or
else plans to sell you something (?-89)
Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where
it came from. (Aug. 90)
The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government
spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect. (Jan.91)
Whistler didn't paint his father. Leonardo da vinci never painted a Mona Lisa
II. Michelangelo was satisfied with his work at the Sistine Chapel. One Eiffel
Tower is enough. So who needs a movie sequel? (Jan 91)
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.
(Dec.91)
If all the financial experts in this country were laid end to end, they'd still
point in all directions. (Jan. 92)
To find out exactly where your own property ends and your neighbor's begins, watch
carefully the next time he mows the grass. (July 92)
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it. (July 92)
An automobile dealer was asked if advertising was effective. "Yes, it brings
very quick results, "he replied. "Once we ran an ad that our watchdog
was missing and offered a reward for his return." "Did you get him back?"
"No, but that very night three cars were stolen." (August 92)
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame (Dec.92)
Ever Notice... how quickly "pay later" comes when you "buy
now"? (May 93)
Two Hollywood show-biz kids got into a heated argument. "My father can beat
up your father!" boasted one. "Are you kidding?" said the other.
"Your father is my father." (Oct.94)
One man's loss is another man's umbrella. (Nov. 94)
We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that
is profit. (Dec. 94)
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't
be done. (June 95)
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. (Aug. 1995)
The average woman likes a strong, silent man because she think he's listening.
(Sep.95)
A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't
have time to come in.
Ever Notice... that the world is full of people who go through life running
from something that isn't chasing them? (Jan. 96)
If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a
Saturday afternoon. (Aug. 1996)
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some
turn up their noses,and some don't turn up at all. (Nov. 96)
Would you say ... that a motor home should never be parked on a steep hill? It
will leave if so inclined. (March 97)
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking
about. (May 97)
Time heals all things - except a leaky faucet. (July 97)
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown
up, a credit card does it.(Dec. 97)
A good answer is what you think of later. (Jan.98)
Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car. (June 98)
Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little
change in them.( June l998)
Charisma: That mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.(Nov. 1998)
Economists say this is an era of unprecedented prosperity. That's when you can't
meet the payments on a new Mercedes-Benz instead of a used Yugo.
(April 1999)
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in
the hours. (Sept. 2000)
There's no thief like a bad movie. (August 2001)
