Mature Living

The new height/weight charts published by insurance companies prove that most people are about six inches too short. (September l995)

One mystery of life is why people in a waiting room ask if the empty seat beside you is occupied. (September l995)

With will power you do what you want to do when you don't want to do it. (September l995)

It's not the minutes we spent at the table that put on weight. It's the seconds (September l995)

True power lies in the had that holds the TV remote control. (Sept.96)

The new VCRs are so easy to program we no longer need the grandkids to do it for us. (Sept. 96)

The information highway is paved with good inventions. (July 97)

Progress is wonderful, isn't it? In earlier times when offspring needed money, they
either wrote home or telephoned collect. Now they e-mail. (Aug.97)

Happiness isn't a "buy product". (March 97)

If at first you don't succeed, you're like most of the rest of us. (March 97)

Money can be lost in more ways than won. (March 97)

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long. (Feb. 97)

Money will buy a pedigree cat, but only love and kindness will make it purr. Feb. 97)

Truce is better than fiction. (Jan.97)

Travel broadens a person. So do bedtime snacks. (May 97)

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light. (May 97)

Whoever coined the phrase "pretty as a picture" evidently had never seen a driver's license. (May 97)

Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms. (April 98)

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross. (April 98)

Early to bed and early to rise and you miss all those late-night TV infomercials. (April 98)

Opportunity isn't always recognized because it sometimes comes dressed in work clothes. (May 98)

A life without laughter is like a car without shock absorbers. (May 98)

Many people fail because their wishbones are where their backbones ought to be. (June 98)

Those who stretch the truth usually find it snaps back. (June 98)

Laughter is great medicine for what ails you, and there are only good side effects.( July l998)

A chip on the shoulder can become a heavy load.( July 1998)

Parents expect their children to be as good as they meant to be. ( July l998)

I am surprised how many people can't count to 10. They usually are the ones ahead of me in the supermarket express lanes. (August 1998)

Following a vacation most of us are behind on our bills, but way ahead on calories. (August 1998)

Nostalgia buffs should be advised that Memory Lane, like other roads these days, is full of potholes. (August 1998)

Smart people speak from experience. Smarter people from experience don't speak. (September 1998)

Many people are always in debt because they can't do without things they don't need. (September 1998)

Telling all you know is as bad as believing all you hear (October 1998)

There is no time like the pleasant. (October 1998)

Jumping to conclusions is not as good an exercise as digging for facts. (Nov. 1998 )

Never judge a book by a movie of the same name. (Dec.98)

Pleasing others is easy. All you have to do is listen and nod your head. (Dec.98)

The flu season accounts for the three stages of sickness: ill, pill, bill. (Dec.98)

Diet and exercise can help overweight people break the pound barrier. (Jan.99)

Character is something a person has or is. (Jan.99)

Anyone who can still do at 65 what he was doing at 25 wasn't doing much at 25. (Feb.99)

Time is a wonderful healer, but a poor beautician. (Feb.99)

Never judge a city by its postcards. (Feb.99)

To stay youthful, stay useful (March 99)

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that 20 years won't cure (March 99)

If the world is getting smaller, why do postal rates keep going up? (March 99)

Calories don't count; they multiply (April 1999)

In some families, the problems are relative. (April 1999)

After all is said and done, more is said than done. (May 1999)

A perfect June day is when the sun is shining, a soft breeze is blowing, birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.(June 1999)

This is the time of the year when people get out and dig in the dirt - some with a garden hoe, others with a golf club. (June 1999)

The shortcoming of some house guests is their long-staying. (September 1999 )

Tons of regret never make an ounce of difference. (September 1999 )

Tomorrow is the longest day of the week, judging from all the things we intend to do then. (Oct.99)

A stitch in time saves embarrassment. (November 1999)

More diets originate in clothing stores than in doctors' offices. (November 1999)

Political promises go in one year and out the other. (November 1999)

In today's world, there is nothing more complicated than trying to lead a simple life. (December 1999)

The amount of sleep the average person needs is about an hour more (December 1999)

The trouble with the future is that it's getting here faster than it used to.(January 2000)

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. (January 2000)

We can't do anything about our ancestors, but we can try to influence our descendants. (Feb. 2000)

Always drive as if you were a passenger in the other car. (Feb. 2000)

It's always darkest before daylight savings time. (March 2000)

Tips for making a speech: Be sincere, be brief, and be seated. (March 2000)

Some people are as easy to read as the top line of an eye chart. (August 2000)

People who have a lot to say shouldn't use their cell phones in restaurants and theaters to do so. (August 2000)

One nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. (August 2000)

High prices don't bother some people. They just charge right ahead. (October 2000)

Now that vacation bills are paid, it's time to think about Christmas presents. (Nov.2000)

Sixty is a wonderful age, especially if you're 70. (Nov.2000)

Most people who drive like they own the road, don't even own the car. (Nov.2000)

Enough money is just a little more than you have.( February 2001)

These days two can live as cheaply as one large family used to. (Mar. 2001)

Take things as they come - if you can handle them that fast. (Mar. 2001)

Hot heads and cold hearts solve nothing. (April 2001)

It's amazing how fast "later" comes after you "buy now". (May 2001)

You never know what you can do without until you try. (June 2001)

The three stages of life are: youth, middle age, and "You're looking great!" (October 2001)

Money will buy a pedigree cat, but only love and kindness will make it purr.(March 2002)

Tourist itinerary : Wander list (June 2002)

You can enjoy garden work by putting on a wide hat and gloves, holding a little trowel in one hand, and telling the man where to dig. (Jan. 1990)

Think of an investigator for the IRS as a "taxes ranger". (Jan. 1990)

One person's loss is another man's umbrella. (Jan. 1990)

Some people who promise to meet you halfway prove to be poor judges of distance. (Jan. 1990)

You have an educational channel on your TV. It's called OFF. (May 1990)

Quiet people aren't the only ones who don't say much. (Sept. 1990)

Think twice before you speak, and chances are someone will have changed the subject. (Sept. 1990)

Opportunity knocks but once, while temptation pounds on the door every day. (Oct. 1990

Haste makes waste - and bent fenders. (Oct. 1990)

Shelf Control: When you go into a food market to buy a dozen eggs … and all you buy is a dozen eggs. (Nov. 1990)

Admit it, aren't you beginning to regret those wild promises you scribbled on Christmas cards? (Dec. 1990)

Whether something is cheap or costly depends on if you're buying or selling. (Jan. 1991)

The early bird not only gets the worm but more importantly the parking place. (Jan. 1991)

Some people go about doing good; others just go about. (Feb. 1991)

Being a husband is like any other job - it helps if you like the boss. (Feb. 1991)

A lot of people believe you can take it with you. You see them on the road in motor homes and trailers. (March 1991)

A smile goes a long way, but you're the one who has to start it on its journey. (March 1991)

Millions of Americans are clever and fearless, but the trouble is, they're only five years old. (April 1991)

The world is full of three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who don't know what's happening. (April 1991)

A hunch is actually just an idea that you're afraid is wrong. (April 1991)

Nothing reminds a wife of all the things needed to be done around a home like a husband who is watching a ball game on TV. (May 1991)

If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon. (June 1991)

Autobiography: Fiction written by someone who knows the facts. (June 1991)

The secret of good bookkeeping is to stop lending them. (July 1991)

These days more things are thawed out in the kitchen than thought out. (July 1991)

Anyone who believes the old saying, "Where there's smoke, there's fire", hasn't tried cooking on a campfire lately. (Sept. 1991)

Bargain: Something you don't need at a price you can't pass up. (Sept. 1991)

It's difficult for a 5'8" grandfather to lecture his 6'2" teenage grandson about the lack of nutrition in junk food. (Oct. 1991)

You can get into hot water by skating on thin ice. (Nov. 1991)

A person can have a great speaking voice that isn't connected to a brain. (Nov. 1991)

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. (Dec. 1991)

Nothing sets a person back like keeping up a front. (Dec. 1991)

Money isn't everything. The way prices go up, someday it won't be worth anything. (Dec. 1991)

A long walk is good for what ails you, especially when it's taken by someone who annoys you. (Jan. 1992)

Out of the mouths of babes come words we shouldn't have said in the first place. (Jan. 1992)

Small children are a lot like mosquitoes. When they're quiet, you know they're getting into something. (Jan.1992)

Study hard while you are young. It will come in handy in future years when you have to help your grandkids with their homework. (Feb. 1992)

Adam and Eve living in the Garden of Eden ate fruits, nuts, and berries and called it Paradise. We eat the same things today and call it a nutritional diet. (Feb. 1992)

Anyone who longs for the good old days should try reading this page by an oil lamp. (Feb. 1992)

There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say. The trick is not to say it aloud. (Mar. 1992)

It is said that nothing is impossible, yet there are lots of people doing nothing every day.(Mar. 1992)

Adam and Eve living in the Garden of Eden ate fruits, nuts, and berries and called it Paradise. We eat the same things today and call it a nutritional diet. (Feb. 1992)

Anyone who longs for the good old days should try reading this page by an oil lamp. (Feb. 1992)

There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say. The trick is not to say it aloud. (Mar. 1992)

It is said that nothing is impossible, yet there are lots of people doing nothing every day.(Mar. 1992)

Isn't a dime really a dollar after all the taxes have been taken out? (April 1992)

Usually it takes about the same amount of energy to avoid work as to do it. (April 1992)

A lot of people look better when they don't wear their eyeglasses, and some of them look better when you don't wear yours. (May 1992)

Isn't it ironic how people will pay teenagers to mow their lawns while they jog a couple of miles for exercise? (June 1992)

Grocery discount coupons can save money. By the time some people have finished searching, clipping, and sorting, they're too tired to shop. (June 1992)

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're a good candidate to appear as a guest on an afternoon TV talk show. (July 1992)

Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn't have to do it himself. (July 1992)

If we stopped to think more, we would stop to thank more. (July 1992)

You realize how important timing is when the people you're talking to begin looking at their watches. (Oct. 1992)

The dinner's defrosting,
My wife is not;
It's our anniversary,
And I forgot. (Oct. 1992)

At last grandkids realize that money doesn't grow on trees. It comes out of the automatic teller machines. (Nov. 1992)

If you have your feet on the ground, you don't have far to fall. (Dec. 1992)

Running a home on a budget is easy to do until the first of the month rolls around. (Dec. 1992)

Progress always means change, but change doesn't always mean progress. (Feb. 1993)

Lots of parents worship the ground their children walk on - until they track it into the house.(Aug. 1993)

These days many people get nostalgic for the 50s. They also get nostalgic for 20s, 10s, and 5s.(Aug. 1993)

We never hear the most beautiful sound of all: the sound of falling prices. (Sept. 1993)

A wonder drug is any medicine that little kids will swallow without howling. (Sept. 1993)

Most of us live on "fixed" incomes - fix the car, fix the VCR, fix the faucet. (April 1994)

Generally speaking, people get out of life what they put into it - minus taxes. (April 1994)

I just realized that we parents talk about the good old days while telling our children how much better they have it now. (May 1994)

Some people thirst after power, others thirst after fame, but everyone thirsts after salty food snacks. (Sept. 1994)

Some of the wonder drugs prescribed by doctors are so expensive, patients wonder how they can afford them. (Oct. 1994)

For some people overeating ends up being a waist of time. (Oct. 1994)

It's wise to remember that anger is just one letter short of danger. (Nov. 1994)

Many of us would be happier about the shape we're in if we'd count our blessings instead of calories. (Dec. 1994)

Skipping is a good exercise for losing weight - skipping snacks, skipping desserts, etc. (Jan. 1995)

There are two excellent ways to program a VCR: follow the instruction manual carefully or ask an eight-year-old. (March 1995)

The average person often has to stop trying to balance the budget and try to budget the balance. (April 1995)

They say that silence is golden. That probably explains why there is so little of it. (April 1995)

People who say, "That's the way the ball bounces," are probably the ones who dropped it. (May 1995)

If it weren't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk. (May 1995)

A man for all seasons is the neighbor who borrows the lawn mower, the garden spade, the leaf rake, and the snow shovel. (June 1995)

Talk is cheap because the supply always exceeds the demand. (July 1995)

We've all met people who didn't know whether they were coming or going, but who always seemed in a big hurry to get there. (Aug. 1995)

These days everybody knows the troubles we've seen - thanks to home videos. (Oct. 1995)

There's a sure way to make a long story short - interrupt. (Oct. 1995)

In this age of satellite TV, video recorders, and CD players, there's still no sound that sparks a person's interest as much as the ringing of a doorbell. (Jan. 1996)

Anyone can give advice. The trouble is finding someone who wants to take it. (Jan. 1996)

Words are best kept soft and sweet because someday you may have to eat them. (Jan. 1996)

The honeymoon is over when a husband and wife, who take their partners for better or for worse, start taking each other for granted. (Feb. 1996)

Why do some people spend money they don't have to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like? (Feb. 1996)

The blessing of silence is as close as the off button on the TV remote control. (March 1996)

Do you remember your first love? Mine was ice cream. (March 1996)

My wife says I don't listen to her - at least, that's what I think she said. (April 1996)

Some of the worst drivers you'll ever meet are in a crowded supermarket. (May 1996)

A vacation souvenir fits under the heading of "Junk" depending on who bought it and how much it cost. (June 1996)

If money grew on trees, most of us would be out on a limb. (June 1996)

It's good to hold your head high as long as you keep your nose at a friendly level. (June 1996)

It's not easy to teach an old dog old tricks either. (Oct. 1996)

The birthday and anniversary gifts of today are the garage sales of tomorrow. (Nov. 1996)

Opinions are easy; solutions are hard. (Nov. 1996)

Yesterday's nest egg is today's chicken feed. (May 2000)

To many people the four major food groups are: frozen, canned, fast, and junk. (May 2000)

If you had it all to do over again, would you have the strength? (June 2000)

If you can't pay as you go, you're going too fast. (June 2000)

You can have the last word. Just say, "You're right!" (July 2001)

Show me someone who walks with head held high, and I'll show you someone who just got bifocals. (Aug. 2001)

If at first you don't succeed, welcome to the club. (Sept. 2001)

Truce is better than friction. (Sept. 2001)

The trouble with the future is that it's getting here faster than it used to. (Feb. 2002)