Sign on a Seattle print shop: Marriages are made in Heaven, but we print invitations.
(October '90)
A head of lettuce knows something that you don't. It knows for sure if the light
in the refrigerator really goes out when the door is closed. (March '91)
One good thing can be said for all airline food: it's served in small portions.
(April '91)
The trouble with owning your own home is that, no matter where you sit, it seems
you're looking at something you should be doing. (Nov/Dec '91)
Middle age is when you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to
keep on doing it. (Nov/Dec '91)
A mother can get her children's complete attention just by sitting down and looking
comfortable (Mar/Apr '92)
Every year education gets more expensive, but ignorance costs even more. (May/June
'92)
Some people are much like blisters-they don't show up until the work is done.
.(August '92)
Garage sale shoppers have little trouble finding bargains, but lots of trouble
finding a use for them later. (August '92)
Newlyweds usually sleep like a baby until they get one. (Sept/Oct '92)
When someone wins an argument with the boss, the argument isn't really over. (Jan/Feb
'93)
A good listener may be thinking of something else. (Mar/Apr '93)
Human beings seem to be getting physically stronger. A few years ago it took two
grownups to carry $75 worth of groceries. Now a young child can do it. (Mar/Apr
'93)
Contracts are agreements made up of big words and little type. (May/June '93)
The only way to get the most out of a dollar these days is to have two of them.
(May/June '93)
Doing nothing is the most tiresome job in the world because it's not possible
to stop and rest. (May/June '93)
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happier? (May/June '93)
School days are among the happiest days of your life, provided, of course, that
your children are old enough to attend. (May/June '93)
The world has seen many spectacular advances in communications with satellites
and all, but the quickest is still the wink. (Oct. '93)
The only people who claim they can solve all the world's problems are the ones
who phone radio talk shows. (Jan/Feb '94)
A class reunion is a time when men and women travel great distances to be with
people they haven't seen for 20 years - and discover that every 20 years is too
often. (Jan/Feb 2000)
For a successful vacation, tourists need to take along half the clothes they planned
and twice the money.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - You've reached middle age when you're not inclined to exercise
anything but caution. (October 2000)
Happily a woman told her neighbor, "At last! I've finally cured my husband of
biting his nails." "How?" asked the neighbor. "I hide his teeth." (June 2001)
WHEN TIMES WERE BAD, They're called the "good old days" because the days were
old, but we weren't. (February 2002 )
GOOD LISTENERS : Sophisticated listening devices are nothing new. They're called
"neighbors". (June 2002)
Parents can become boring talking on and on about their new baby. It all ends,
however, when the parents have to change the subject. (August 2002)
Many don't recognize opportunity because it comes disguised as work. (August 2002)
A Great Nest Egg: Something else every young couple should save for their old
age is marriage. (Dec. 2000)
The Sunday School teacher explained to a Bible class how Lot's wife looked back
and suddenly turned into a pillar of salt. A young boy raised his hand and said,
"My mother looked back when she was driving and turned into a fire hydrant."
(Aug. 2001)
Love is a game that two can play and both win. (Oct. 2001)
Head colds eventually go, but usually only blow by blow. (Dec. 2001)
Abstract Thinking: Two six-year-old kids were looking at an abstract painting
in a museum. "Let's get out of here," said one, "before they say
we did it." (Dec. 2001)
'Tween the Lines: At 50 you're a "tween-ager" - too young to be called
old and too old to be called young. (Dec. 2001)
